live juicy. get pithy with it.
Step 1: Quite by chance, find one of your favourite figurines hidden at back of cupboard with head knocked off.
Step 2: Correctly accuse your sweet six year old of dastardly, secret beheading.
Step 3: Spend two hours searching for tube of super glue to affect immediate repairs.
Step 4: Find said tube only to discover its indeterminate age has made it as useless as teats on a bull.
Step 5: Make special trip to shop to buy new super glue.
Step 6: Excitedly squeeze super glue all over base of beheaded figurine’s neck and jagged bottom of skull. Consciously stop pretending you’re on CSI.
Step 7: Clumsily hold the two together.. one mississippi two mississippi three mississippi…
Step 8: Release the pieces and watch in disappointment as head topples back to bench.
Step 9: Repeat step 7.
Step 10: Watch as step 8 repeats itself.
Step 11: Look down in dawning horror as you realise four of your fingers are covered in super glue and watch as it turns white and hard.
Step 12: Rub your fingers together to confirm you cannot feel your finger tips.
Step 13: Race to sink. Wash.
Step 14: Realise with increasing panic that water does not remove super glue.
Step 15: Belatedly read back of tube where it says do not get glue on your skin. If you are that stupid, rinse with acetone.
Step 16: Race to bedroom, find fingernail polish remover. Pour liberally over white, hardened fingers.
Step 17: Go ahead and let loose that cry of anguish as you realise “acetone” not making a damned difference.
Step 18: Race to son’s room (the son to whom the figurine pays homage). Beg him to help his mother reclaim her fingerprints.
Step 19: Son calmly Googles.
Step 20: Follow son’s instructions. Rub paste of salt and water onto glued-up digits for five minutes.
Step 21: Feel slight sensation in fingertips as salt works its magic.
Step 22: Give up after another five minutes. Partial fingerprints are back, baby!
Step 23: Hide figurine in back of cupboard…